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1 day

I have one day left and I just can't stand it.

I had a breakdown last night. I was so uncomfortable and in constant pain. No position felt good, the halo felt like it weighed twenty pounds, my leg ached and I just wanted relief.

I am so close to freedom that I'm freaking out the doctor is going to change his mind. What am I going to do if he does? Besides crying I will need happy drugs instead of pain drugs. There is no way I can handle more weeks.

Ok, calm down. I need to think good thoughts. What has this time taught me...

A few things I have gained and lost during my ten week prison term:

Lost 
...15 pounds
...any modesty I may have had for 10 days while in the hospital
...my beloved Speed Triple
...my awesome 1 piece Dainese leathers
...some bone marrow from my tibia
...any love I had for my front steps
...a lot of freelance work. ugh.

Gained
...a new respect for the road
...a new love for leather, as it saved my hide
...a real appreciation for the night nurses at RMCSJ
...two substantial pieces of metal in my leg
...saggy boobs, flat ass and short hair
...a really great motorcycle crash story
...some great friendships that I never knew I had
...a husband that is the best caregiver any wife can want


but mostly I gained...a new perspective on life.

This time has forced me to closely examine stuff in my life. I mean what else was I supposed to do for 16 hours a day? I lost a lot of freelance work and don't have the energy to read and there is only so much time I can spend staring at a lighted screen whether it be a tv or monitor.

For most of my adult life I have chided people for letting life take them, rather them taking life. I have taken my life in my own hands when it came to my career - but that's about it. The rest of my life decisions I left to whim or rather laziness.

Whim sounds fun, but really if I'm honest, its plain and simple, laziness. Rather than try and get it, or pursue what I really really want, I just settle for whatever comes my way. So, after closer examination of my life for the last ten weeks I'm going to try and live with less laziness. Sounds simple - yes. But the more complicated, the more it won't happen.

I'll check back in in 3 months and see how I've maintained.

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