My Halo Cervical Neck Brace

Before the accident I was a comfortable 145 - not too thin, not too plump. The ten days in the hospital left me ten pounds lighter. I had a tiny appetite and the food that was served was ever rarely what I ordered. I would consider myself a picky eater, but on the healthy side. Chicken dripping in gravy makes me think of clogged arteries, steak and potatoes is a heart attack - and the taste is dry and chewy. All I wanted was juicy fruit and vegetables. I ate up all the greens I could they hadn't wilted before they arrived to me. A friend brought me raspberries and I was in heaven! But eating with the halo was not easy... or pretty to watch. With the halo on I could not tilt my head to accommodate a large bite and would often leave most of the fork contents down my front. Sometimes they went down the inside of the vest! Lots of cookie crumbs ended up there... Eating something with my hands took a little getting used to as well. I had a broken right wrist in a brace for the first...

Here's what the bike looked like after the accident. Here's where the bike ended up. Here's how I left the scene. This is me before the accident.

It's been a week and one day since the halo came off and everything hurts. My body feels as though it has the flu. Achy all over. My head/scalp hurts. It feels as though I've been wearing a hat or ponytail too long. My head hadn't touched a pillow in ten weeks and now it has become very sensitive. My hair style hasn't changed much so I can't blame the hair for the cause of the pain. I can only think its the pressure of lying on my head again when sleeping. My upper spine hurts when I lean back onto a hard chair. I think because its been protected by the vest and now its touching surfaces for the first time in awhile. My upper back muscles feel stiff as well as my lungs/ribs are soar. I'm moving about more and I think that movement is straining my body. I guess I haven't moved much in ten weeks! My neck is soar as well, but that was expected... this all over body pain is draining. I wish my pain meds worked better but still allowed me to be functional...

This dang collar is gettin' old. It's placed loosely around my neck so I can turn my head, but still placed as a reminder I need to take it easy. To think I will wear this for another week and a half is almost unbearable...and then I turn my head and pain strikes. I feel muscles I never knew existed flex and bend. Lifting my head up and nodding down are done with the most ease. Turning right is easier than turning left. I wonder if this is because my neck was always causing me most pain on the left side? Those muscles were used during the nine weeks...hhhmmm. When I take the collar off I feel exposed and very nervous. Now that the vest is also gone, I put a bra on for the first time in nine weeks. Felt a little uncomfortable, but then again -- it's a bra. I also took a shower. To feel the hot water run over my head and down my body was incredible. I wanted to stand there forever. To wash my hair and feel clean all over was exhilarating. I almost forgot about my br...

The removal took less than 10 minutes and was a little painful. Not anesthesia was given, just a tight grip on the table was all they thought I needed I guess. The orthotist assisted my neurosurgeon as they removed the hardware. The sound of the screwdrivers unscrewing the pins echoed through my head. The only real pain came when I felt a pressure against the front of my head when they had finished with the back pins.  The pin area itself never hurt. Actually as soon as the halo was removed my back left pin area felt relieved. I was then fitted with a plastic and foam neck collar that fits under my chin and comfortably around my neck.  But, OH! how wonderful and weird and scary it was all at the same moment. I had fear and elation in my eyes at the same time. My head felt heavy, as if it was going to roll off.  I was terrified to turn my neck. It felt stiff and awkward. I asked my doctor a zillion more questions about the safety and next steps. He was so casual an...

It's off! ...and this is how I slept. With a pillow against my head and my husband next to me I slept peacefully for the first time in weeks.

I have one day left and I just can't stand it. I had a breakdown last night. I was so uncomfortable and in constant pain. No position felt good, the halo felt like it weighed twenty pounds, my leg ached and I just wanted relief. I am so close to freedom that I'm freaking out the doctor is going to change his mind. What am I going to do if he does? Besides crying I will need happy drugs instead of pain drugs. There is no way I can handle more weeks. Ok, calm down. I need to think good thoughts. What has this time taught me... A few things I have gained and lost during my ten week prison term: Lost  ...15 pounds ...any modesty I may have had for 10 days while in the hospital ...my beloved Speed Triple ...my awesome 1 piece Dainese leathers ...some bone marrow from my tibia ...any love I had for my front steps ...a lot of freelance work. ugh. Gained ...a new respect for the road ...a new love for leather, as it saved my hide ...a real appreciation for the nig...

Three days before my release I decided to try going outside into public view. I had to do some Christmas shopping that just wasn't possible at this late date to do online and knew W would struggle doing it alone. Maybe I also wanted to get out of the damn house on a perfectly sunny December day?!! It wasn't as bad as I expected. I kept my eyes averted from any other pair and went about my business. Yes, lots and lots of side glances at me and my contraption, but nothing overt until we were steps from the car to leave. W noticed two young women pass us and then stop, turn, star and gawk. It was the most obvious and rude, but it didn't even phase me. I'm also still walking with a cane and slight limp so most folks just moved out of my way if they saw me coming close. The same thing you would do if you saw someone with a vice on their head - no big deal. ha ha. We made it home safely and now I get to have dinner in an actual restaurant tonight. Things are looking u...

Most of these are old but I still found them helpful and entertaining. http://hasmyhaloslipped.com/ http://www.iowaonlinejournalism.com/online_journalism/KellyDevlin/Adaptation/picturescoping.html http://everything2.com/title/Metal+objects+falling+off+my+mother-in-law http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/showthread.php?t=4774 http://onemomsopinion.blogspot.com/2008/01/moms-halo-brace-finally-removed.html http://ablogtoheal.blogspot.com/ http://relentlessgrace.com/bouncingback/2009/11/the-monster-in-the-mirror-relentless-grace-excerpt-5/

A few photos I took this morning with my iphone that show the front of the halo up close. The four pins with sharp points are screwed into my skull 1/4". It did not hurt when the doctor placed the brace on me and screwed the pins in. I was under a lot of morphine. But I do remember them trying to find where to place the pins. At the time of the accident I had long hair and it was braided. But after two days of lying on my back and being all sweaty the hair had become a rats nest. The nurse shaved small areas on my head where the back two pins were to be inserted. She did not do a great job, but it was enough for them to get the pins in. I'm surprised that standard practice isn't to shave the whole head. It should be - it would save me from the scary infection on my skull. But then again having this brace put on is such a traumatic experience that getting your head shaved would be icing on the cake. It was not until I was more conscious and aw...

All I want to do is lie on the couch and watch stupid tv movies. Clients are hollering, works needs to be done and new projects need to be found. Oh what Christmas spirit! I keep thinking of errands I need to run and then I remember I have this damn thing on my head and I don't even own a car and oh yeah, I have a broken leg. Those pain meds must be good if I keep forgetting about all of my deformities. I dream of hoping in the car and going to the grocery store. I yearn for taking the dog for a walk in the brisk winter air. I actually want to wrap up in warm clothes and feel the freezing air of winter or hear the rain on an umbrella. To pull on my wellies and stomp through mud puddles with Noma. I crave the morning commute to an office full of grumpy people. Weird, but I do. I haven't worked in an office since...August. My world was this house and Sonoma and then the accident happened and my world was still my house and Sonoma. I'm glad I like my house! I need to...

Yesterday was a bad day. Lots of pain...everywhere. Leg, back, neck, head, ankle, toes, lungs - you name it, it hurt. Throbbing pain, shooting pain, piercing - stabbing, pulsating - it all happened. And my pain medication, Norco, did very little to help. I woke up at 2 am in severe neck, lower back and ankle pain. The muscle relaxer I took at 10pm was clearly not doing its job. This little pill is supposed to last 8 hours. Yes, I said 8 hours and it had only been 4! I could not find a comfortable position to sleep in. My favorite position on my back with a pillow under my head, and rolled towel under my neck wasn't working. This was the position I was in when I woke up in agony. My lower back was screaming as well - which is a new pain. Oh joy! Two hours later I am now vertical with blankets up to my nose. I am one of those people who has been able to sleep in any position and this halo is certainly testing that luxury. I have discovered that sleeping on my side with a firm pil...

On Thursday morning I had an appt with my neck doctor. This would be my 8 week check up and he would hopefully say, "nice progress, see you in 4 weeks for removal." I was fearing he would lengthen my stay in prison to 16 weeks. First I had to get xrays at the hospital and then bring them to the doctors office. Joking with the radiology students I told them to tell me what they saw - they said "I was healed perfect", ha ha ha ha. They have no idea what they are seeing - I think. Well, anyway they are also motorcyclists and remember me from 4 weeks ago and from my crash date. How could one forget my horrible leg! Very nice group of radiologist and students. About an hour later we are at my neck doctors office and are quickly ushered into a room. My doctor comes briskly in, looks at the xray and says, "looks very good, I can barely see the fracture." WOOHOO! It means I am healing at a good pace. So for the next twenty minutes I batter him with questions...

I think my back left pin is infected. The skin surrounding the pin has been tender for 4 days. I have been extra vigilant about applying peroxide and saline everyday and sometimes betadine as well.  But nothing is working. It's not really oozing and I can't tell if its red because my hair has grown around it. But now I have a headache and I'm worried. I've called my doctor and am waiting for a call back about what to do. I have an appointment in 2 days and hope it's not so bad that I have to go in sooner. I've switched back to norco for my pain medication and even that won't help the headache. But it is helping my leg pain! I think I'll take my temperature.

Besides my neck fracture I also have a fractured leg and ankle. Even those these are the lesser injuries they make my days even harder. It took me 5 days in the hospital before I could walk and that was only a few steps with a walker. Getting used to the halo neck brace as well as heving a very broken leg, ankle + a hairline fracture of my rt wrist took a long time. If it wasn't one pain it was another. Pain medication has been given to me by both my ortho Dr and the neck Dr and neither seem to work on anything. But some good news did come today from my visit to my orthopedic doctor. I can now bear full weight on my leg. No running or jumping yet, but I can now attempt to walk without a walker. This is very good news and a much needed ray of light. I am so eager to be back to "normal" that my halo begins to depress me even more. Its the monkey on my back - the weight on my shoulders. I want to fall asleep and wake up from this bad nightmare. but i can't. Th...

Wearing a halo neck brace brings with it new pains every day. The pains I had last week, and the week before, and the time in the hospital, and even last Wednesday are different than they are now. IF the pain was the same then I could cope - it would be easier to deal wtih everyday. But these new pains bring new tears. The pain today is a soar scalp near the back left pin. I don't know why. I hope its not infected! My husband, W, applies betadine to the pins everyday and when he can't I have been able to contort my body to do it.  But still, each pin site has given me trouble at one time in the last 7 weeks. Last week it was the back right one - it was itching and burning around it. I applied some betadine and it was able to soothe it, but this new pain is more like a pulled skin ache. Similar to if you had a pony tail in too long and too tight and then your scalp hurts. Same kind of thing except no ponytail. For all I know I slept weird and pulled my scalp tighter... but...

I just want this fucking thing off! i want to lie my head down on a pillow and feel it next to my cheek. i want to feel the water from the shower run over my haed and down my back. i want to take my dog for a walk during this amazing winter day. i want to feel my husband next to me. close. i want to stop crying.

Just another tidbit that makes life difficult wearing the halo neck brace.... I can't wear the eyeglasses I use for computer work. The problem is that I can't move my neck slightly to adjust my view. If I stare at the computer screen, my head is up, if I glance at my keyboard my vision is skewed because my eyes look through the lens AND below the glasses. It's just not possible to make that slight unconscious movement I am so used to doing.

Reading about other people's C2 fractures on the web was a very bad idea. The very very few that I found were ridiculous and incomplete. Lots of people asking questions and no real answers. The few that I did find reported only having to wear a cervical collar, or were sent home with nothing at all! What they were noticing was bad neck pain years later and going to the web to post questions if possibly the reason for their neck pain was that the had a minor c2 fracture years ago. This was horrible for me to read! Here I am with a hairline fracture with this medieval contraption on my head for 12 weeks and these people get sent home with aspirin! What the fuck! Was my doctor punishing me because I was in a motorcycle accident? Why the extreme measures of the halo neck brace? Why the full 12 weeks? Why not just a cervical collar?? I wanted a 2nd opinion. So, yesterday my husband went to his neurosurgeon for his follow-up appointment for his own back surgery (Sept 10, 2009.) W...